1st Entry---Day Numero Uno

This is my first real attempt at this (*Note to all who may ever venture here or to the invisible people that I wish were reading this but are probably doing something else like watching paint dry or catching raindrops at the tips of their tongues...lol*), so I am not only a work-in-progress wannabe blogger but also a work-in-progress 30 year-old, struggling to find her way in this world. This idea came to me as a way to sort my thoughts out, gain perspective and hopefully, gain some valuable insight into the person that I want to become.

I always imagined myself becoming something great, growing up. But, then again, who doesn't?!! I dreamed of becoming an entertainer, singer, poet, actress-type, who would grace Hollywood movies, magazine covers, and attend awesome celebrity parties. And, on the other side of the coin, I would give back to my community, former schools, and so forth. However, that has not happened as of yet and I am quite alright with that.

Yet, what I do miss about childhood dreaming is the idea of being able to see that dream and still envision some smidgen of a possibility that particular dream could come true. When you are a child, you are fearless in almost every venture (except for maybe the occasional bully that may come your way...when you were 6 years old, all of a scrawny bit of 43 lbs...wanting a piece of your treasured brownie cake, that you saved the night before for your lunch...that's never happened to me but let's just say that if it did happen, I would have been very disappointed and afraid). What happened to that spirit? Where did it go? Perhaps the Red Bull Cliff Diving team took all of it, when I wasn't looking to store it for a day when they were needing it most? I really don't know.

I remember watching the Van Halen "Jump!" video, when I was 4 and thinking, I would love to jump off of those speakers and onto that stage, just like David Lee Roth. Where is that person? Well, this is my attempt to find that person....to get that person back and find out where the hell she has been all of this time. I am looking for her to tell her that she has been missed and needs to get her butt back here ASAP...lol! Unfortunately, my fear is that if I ever met her again I would give her a stern talking-to, tell her to grow up, get serious, and sit her in the corner for a little time-out. That is who I've become.

I'm a single mother, who has thrown herself in the house, afraid to come out. I've gone into the Army, been honorably discharged, gone to college, and graduated, only to face a dismal economy with very few job prospects to mention. Now, I have re-enrolled in college, this time, hoping to come out with a Biochemistry A.S. (a focus which is so far from the International Business and Finance degrees that I currently hold), and a clear path set to medical school. I am trying to give my childhood dreams one more try, as I had previously given up on becoming a doctor (the dream I had after the faded lights and Hollywood glory disappeared into the sunset...wink, wink), because I just did not have faith that I would ever be able to see this through to it's entirety.

So, bear witness http://www.30yearsandstillcounting.blogspot.com/! Whether I do this on my own, without anyone to speak of or with others to accompany me, THIS IS THE JOURNEY! This is my trailblazing path to become all of the things I want to be, to include continuously supporting my daughter in every respect, but also becoming more adventurous, risk-taking, and honestly....more my age. Let's be honest, I am a 60 year-old woman trapped in a 30 year-old woman's head...and that ain't cute (corrects grammar in my head...smh)! There are so many things that I will work on during this time. I just hope that others will be along for the ride with me. Later :D